Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.