yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.