I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
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They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger