you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.