I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia