.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us