i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
