Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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Houston, we have a blender
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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