I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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