We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
