I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
