Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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