You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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