somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
