TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
