Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
