im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
