508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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