I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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