yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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