R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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