Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
