Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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