Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
