textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
