i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
