It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
