So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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