I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
