I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
