11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
