The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
