mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
