Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
