You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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