On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
