If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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