Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
