I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
