This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
