I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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