some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
