you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
