no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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