I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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