and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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