then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
false alarm, still single
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
