i just google imaged poop.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
