There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
