why didn't you poke me back
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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