I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
