it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
