I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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