I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
