I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
