so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
