I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
