Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
