My cat gives me a boner
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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