I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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