Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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