I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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