So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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