would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
