Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
