Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize