i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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