Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
