If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
