dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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