Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
