when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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