There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
